The Matrix Blues


Magicians find ourselves on the outside, on the fringes of society. That is where we live. Sure, if we are any good at all, we are like chameleons and can shape-shift our way into just about any social construct that can be imagined. Even untenable and hostile environments, but we are, as they say: In the world, but not of the world. If you were to walk up to me in my place of business you may never guess that I wasn’t a Jesus worshiping, Fox news watching, good American capitalist. Until you get to know me, I keep my mouth shut, and blend into the sea of drones. I believe in the world of espionage and surveillance they call this “The Gray Man,” or in this case, The Gray Woman.

Living in this new world of isolation while still being surrounded by people is nothing new to those of us who have chosen to walk between worlds. It is often times difficult and taxing on the soul. It takes effort. But now there is a fairly recent phenomenon with the invention of social media and especially Facebook. Here’s what comes from this addiction to attention that no one seems to have the discipline to leave. You get to see the worst of humanity. The baseness of the collective “WE” the lowest nature of the whole. We get to find out that we have not really evolved, but instead found new and clever ways of hurting one another, our environment and destroying anything that held any sort of sanctity whatsoever.

You also get to find out just where you belong. Slowly “friend” by “friend” you discover what you feel is the crème de la crème: your people, the ones you’ve been looking for. The eccentrics, intellectuals, the irreverently reverent, occultist, poets, and magicians. No need for shape-shifting. Friends become family, people you have never physically met, but they get you and you get them, and there is this rapport. Your life becomes all the richer for it, but it is all taking place in the virtual reality of Facebook or some other social network site. So we interact with memes, characters, and images. But family and friends are still as scattered and busy in their lives just trying to survive as they are in real life, but you are just thankful that you get to see a slice of the life that they do share online.

In a way, this just makes you feel even more isolated, especially if you long to see those faces behind a screen, to hear the words that you might say if you were face to face with them. You find your tribe and they seem to be worlds away. I learn that a friend that is dying, and all you can seem to do is send them cat pictures that you know he loves through Messenger, and tell them you love him through those chat bubbles… when what you you really wish is to be there, hugging them and telling them you are with them. Maybe you have shared so much that you feel like you’ve known him your whole life, but you have never seen one another in person.

I have people in mourning on my feed, but I can not console with hugs and warm words, I can send them a gif, and try to convey my remorse that I wish we were closer so that I could, hold their hand and be there for them in their time of need. All those thoughts and feeling you will never know that someone you care about is having because they will not talk about such things on Facebook. There is a lot going on in all of our lives that we don’t publicize online. So we see snippets. When the human touch is what we really need, but they have been replaced by these screens. And apparently, we have willingly accepted this lot. Further isolating ourselves from people. It appears to me that this social media thing has backfired.

One in six people are on anti depression medication in the U.S. We know there is something wrong with our society. Even on a universal unconscious level, the Muggles just can’t admit it yet. That this life, this version of the “truth” is the lie, and the Matrix’s is real. Our society has destroyed Avalon, and lays siege on Camelot, with the ultimate goal of attacking the Holy City itself.

In observance of my comrades, it does seem that we all struggle a bit with the goddess Melancholia. I have read that she has the tendency to afflict artists and poets; those with an academic and intellectual demeanor, and even more so when you have pierced the veil and seen the truth, but are still forced to maneuver in the matrix. When your forced to live The Big Lie, in a culture set for implosion, it’s no wonder so many of us teeter on the edge of an existential crisis. So we long for our people that seem to be a world away in an impossible land through time and space, through a looking glass or wardrobe in a land which may as well be called Narnia when you live in a little bitty town on the west coast and your people are scattered all over the world like precious shiny sparks of light, beacons in this ghastly world. The impossible community. Here we are longing and wishing that we were all closer, fantasizing about buying big land so that you could bring everyone together in an epic occultist, artist, tech, community. Right! It’s feasible, I know it can be done! The dream is real, I hope it never dies. And maybe one day I will see you sitting by my side, breaking bread and soaking our brains with mead or absinthe. My peculiar, intangible family of poets, artist, disillusioned idealists, anarchist and magicians: you bring me happiness and sorrow for in all rationality this vision seems contrary to reason, and I lament of the pure apparition of it.

The only stepping stone I see is an authentic virtual community. This experiment, this website, this endeavor, is an attempt to create a portal a hub to serve as a home for friends known yet unknown. A forum for those very few people with a vision of a free world a place where one can learn to be themselves without putting on another layer of masks just to safely exist in a virtual world. We have to build somewhere, and here is as good a place as any. In a strong and sincere hope that one day we can lift the mist of The Garden again, and throw this waste land of a society into the dung heap.

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